pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.