oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"