Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.