so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!