she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine