im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number