Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
