I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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