So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
