i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
