Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
