I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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