i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
