everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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