....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
