He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
