I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
