you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
