quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
