Even the bartender felt bad for me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
