help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
