were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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