I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize