it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
