i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
