why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
