I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
