Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
