This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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