about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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