If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
