Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
