you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
