I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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