Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
