mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't