But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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