Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
