dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
