saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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