at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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