I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My breasts were aching with rage.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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