I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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