Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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