Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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