They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
