so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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