Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
