Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
