so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
