So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
