Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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