So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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