he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
