Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
