my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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