Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
