The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
