i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize