Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Found the puke drawer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
