can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
