I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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