the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
