Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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