were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
